password problems

A new blonde employee calls the Help Desk to complain that there’s something wrong with her password.

“Whenever I type the password, it just shows stars,” she says.

“Those asterisks are to protect you,” the Help Desk technician explains, “so if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn’t be able to read your password.”

“Yeah,” she says, “but they show up even when there is no one standing behind me.”

Anything for a job :)

One day, a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office.

The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts the offer.

So, the next morning, before the crowd arrives, the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people, and he draws larger crowds than he ever did as a mime on the street.

However, eventually the crowd tires of him, and he tires of just swinging on auto tires. He notices that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top of the lion's cage.

Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction.
Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowd grows larger, and his salary keeps going up.

Then, one day, when he is dangling over the top of the lion's cage, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion raises himself up and prepares to pounce. The
mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage with the lion in hot pursuit.

Finally, the mime starts screaming, "Help! Help me!"

The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds him flat on his back looking up at the angry lion.

The lion says, "Shut up, you idiot, or we'll both lose our jobs!"

The professor

A professor of mathematics noticed that his kitchen sink at his home leaked. He called a plumber. The plumber came the next day and sealed a few screws, and everything was working as before.

The professor was delighted. However, when the plumber gave him the bill a minute later, he was shocked.

“This is one-third of my monthly salary!” he yelled.

Well, all the same he paid it and then the plumber said to him, “I understand your position as a professor. Why don’t you come to our company and apply for a plumber position? You will earn three times as much as a professor. But remember, when you apply, tell them that you only got through seventh grade. They don’t like educated people.”

So it happened. The professor got a job as a plumber and his life significantly improved. He just had to seal a screw or two occasionally, and his salary went up significantly.

One day, the board of the plumbing company decided that every plumber had to go to evening classes to complete the eighth grade. So, our professor had to go there too. It just happened that the first class was math. The evening teacher, to check students’ knowledge, asked for a formula for the area of a circle. The person asked was the professor. He jumped to the board, and then he realized that he had forgotten the formula. He started to reason it, and he filled the white board with integrals, differentials, and other advanced formulas to derive the result he needed. He got “minus pi times r squared.”

He didn’t like the minus, so he started all over again. He got the minus again. No matter how many times he tried, he always got a minus. He was frustrated. He gave the class a frightened look and saw all the plumbers whisper: “Switch the limits of the integral!!”

Intelligent answers for difficult questions!

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built.

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night.

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.

Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half.

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid

Sometimes just thinking out of the box is what it takes!

The Reality

An Old Story:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
building its house
and
laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs &
dances & plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper
has no food
or
shelter so he dies out in the cold.


Indian Version:


The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer
building its house
and
laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs
& dances & plays the
summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press
conference and
demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm
and well fed
while others are cold and starving.
NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering
Grasshopper
next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a
table filled
with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be
that this
poor
Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the
Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers
demanding that
Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter
.
Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.


Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian
Government
for
not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking
support to the
Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace
for prompt
support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for '
Bengal Bandh' in
West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from
working hard
in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among
Ants and
Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all
Indian
Railway
Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention
of Terrorism
Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from
the beginning of
the
winter.

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for
Grasshoppers in Educational
Institutions & in Government Services.


The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and
having nothing
left
to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated
by the Government
and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by
NDTV.



Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the
Downtrodden '

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN
General Assembly.




Many years later...





The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a
multi-billion dollar
company in Silicon Valley,


100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite
reservation
somewhere
in India ,


.
..AND




As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding
the
grasshoppers,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
India is still a developing country...!!!

Suicide

A Gujrati, a Madrasi and a sardaar were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.


They were having lunch and Gujju said, “Dhokla! If I get dhokla one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”



The Madrasi opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Idli Sambhar again! If I get idli sambhar one more time I’m going to jump off too.”



The sardaar opened his lunch and said, “Parontha again! If I get a parontha one more time, I’m jumping too.”



The next day, the Gujju opened his lunch box, saw dhokla, and jumped to his death.

The Madrasi opened his lunch, saw idli sambhar, and jumped, too.

The sardaar opened his lunch, saw the parontha and jumped to his death as well.



At the funeral, Gujju’s wife was weeping. She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of dhokla, I never would have given it to him again!”

The Madrasi’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him dossa! I didn’t realize he hated idli sambhar so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the sardaar’s wife.

….

..

….

..

..

….



….

..

….

..

..

….



….

..

….

..

..

..

….



….

..

….

..

..

….











….

..

….

..

..

….



The sardaar’s wife said,

“Don’t look at me. He makes his own lunch.”

Microsoft looking for New Chairman!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Arun an Indian (Mumbai) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Arun says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave.

2000 people leave the room. Arun says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Arun says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Arun says to himself, 'I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate.

Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Arun turns to the other candidate and says 'Kaisa hai re tu'

The other candidate answers 'Accha hai re'